Consulting Doctor

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, "Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice cooter."

"Excuse me?" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said.

My problem is that I have a nice cooter."

 The husband is a bit angry and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice cooter? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."

Bedside Confession between couple

Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.

Julie: "I should warn you, Ted: I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."

Two Neighbors

Guest: open the door
Most: Who is it?

Guest: your neighber?
Most: what do you want?

Guest: I want to chit chat with you!
Most: How many are you came?

Guest: we are 2
Most: you can task with each other! Good Bye ****

Mind Your Own Business - wife and husband

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

"Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!

"Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!!!"

Smart Pills

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''
''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.
So he ate them and said, ''These taste like crap.''
''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

Stoopid Baby Names

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"

The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."

The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,

"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."

The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY."

The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."

Comedy Jokes Rates the New York Subways

Are you tired of having to blindly choose a subway line based on nothing more than your desired destination? Well, those dark days are over. With this handy clip-or-carefully-tear-'N-save guide, you’ll always know which trains are sub-par, and which are sub-tastic!

— A decent, solid, all around subway train, the B will get you from the Upper West Side to the Village in around 15 minutes, which is much better than you'd do on a bus, or even in a cab, depending on the time of day. Most cars are moderately clean, and most platforms are relatively well-lit, with easy access and adequate signage.

GRADE: A
— Nothing says "the East Side" like the 4 train. While it lacks the near-sinful luxury of the A train, the 4 gets high marks for efficiency, cleanliness, and the Matisse (reproductions) that adorn the walls of each car. The mints are a nice touch, and for a trip from Grand Central to Grand Army Plaza, you won't find much better.

GRADE: B
— Plagued with homeless people, roving gangs, and extraordinarily full-throated religious zealots of every conceivable denomination, the F train is a true post-apocalyptic nightmare. On the average trip from the Lower East Side to Herald Square, you can expect to be mugged, stabbed, insulted, and urinated on, often simultaneously. Fares run anywhere from $20 to $300 depending on the whims of the crooked tyrants that operate this line's token booths. If you absolutely must take this train, make sure you hug your family and put your affairs in order before you board.

GRADE: F
— Where do we begin with the A train, the shining jewel in the MTA crown? Fabled in story and song, the A is perhaps best known as Duke Ellington's mass-transit muse. Fresh cut flowers and soft chamber music grace each car, and the complimentary shiatsu massage is to die for. Riders can expect both their waistlines and wallets to swell, thanks to the A's divine foie gras and can't-miss stock tips. Be sure to ask your personal transit facilitator about gift certificates!

More Links for Jokes comedy fun and laughing

Other Related links

University of Maryland Media News has several articles that offer results of a study that shows a good sense of humor may help prevent heart disease and heart attacks. The articles also contain a multiple-choice humor survey to rate your "laugh protection" against heart disease..

• Laughter is the "Best Medicine" for Your Heart
• Laughter is Good for Your Heart
• Humor Survey: How Well Does Your Sense of Humor Protect You From Heart Disease?

How Laughter Works – Explains the physiology of laughter, as well as its physical and emotional benefits. (How Stuff Works)

What is Humor? – Discusses the relationship between humor and health and suggests ways to improve your sense of humor. (Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor)

Joke Sites

Henny Youngman Jokes – The definitive Henny Youngman collection (Funny2.com)

Steven Wright Jokes - The Master of the Absurd (Funny2.com)

Good Clean Funnies List Archive – This list contains links to clean jokes. (Good, Clean Funnies List)

Yahooligans! Jokes – Provides jokes for kids. Clean jokes in 12 categories with a Joke of the Day feature. (Yahoo Kids)

Leslie Lindeman, Gina Kemp, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, PhD contributed to this article. Last modified on: 9/26/07..

Joke in Bus

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.

"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.


"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."

Railway Station - Time Schedule

Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?